I never thought that my twenties would be a time in my life when I’d feel most lost.  I thought that by now I’d have been on my way toward fulfilling my dreams and being successful.  Instead I find myself asking why I made the moves I did, and questioning every move I consider making.
     I’m too idealistic for my own good, I know it, but what I really want is to work for something I love.  I’ve often thought maybe writing is what I should do, but pieces never really fall into place, so I’m left sort of self-publishing myself on websites I created or getting published here and there.  And the question always lingers: what would I write about, and who’d buy it?
     The thing that never seemed to change since my childhood, though, is my love for animals and the connection I feel towards them, my love of Nature, and this incredible anger that rises from deep inside anytime any kind of injustice is dealt upon them.  
     And the things in Nature that cause wonder in children but are lost to most adults still grab my attention.  I still gaze in awe at the moon as it rises large and red.  And I’ve often seen birds flying in sync with music piping from my stereo.  I find myself aching for the ocean and the sound of its waves breaking on the shore.  I still believe, no matter what anyone says, that animals are just as conscious as humans, have just as much of an eternal energy.
     I went into college thinking I knew what I wanted but made some compromises and instead tried to make my own way, and to this day that “way” I tried to forge can’t pay my bills.  Halfway through college I changed course but managed to still complete my original intent, just in case I needed it to fall back on and because I was already so far along.  Right out of college I was hired at a job I thought was me, but I quickly realized once again that what I thought I wanted was wrong.  So the questions began, the fear of risk increased, and I still wonder what the right path would be for me to take at this point.
     But along the way, I realized what hadn’t changed all along was reawakened in me with a greater force than ever before.  A few chicks, helpless and innocent, reminded me why I had been trying to go vegetarian.  And an education that only I could provide for myself soon taught me to go vegan.  A pair of kittens, not yet weaned who’d lost their mother, reminded me how much I want to save lives and comfort orphans.  Feeding a baby squirrel whose eyes were not yet opened told me how to feel like a mom even though I have no children.  A cat hit by a car that died in front of me, a fledgling I tried to salvage but lost – all painful reminders that I need to give back, I need to learn so much more.   
     At a time of utter confusion in my life, I can say what I am still connected to, and I can say what direction I’d like to pursue if only the opportunity presented itself to me.  I can say that, despite the arguments with strangers, or even family, over my lifestyle, I am most content knowing that each day I’m doing something that saves lives, even if it’s indirectly.  I know that the time I give to volunteering for the voiceless is good for the soul.  What’s certain is what makes me feel alive.
     The trouble is taking that and making it my full-time priority, not just something I do between the dull ache of the 40-hour workweek.  The trouble is staying strong enough to not join the rat race of society.  The trouble is finding the needle of opportunity in the haystack of distractions, and being in the right place at the right time.  The trouble is trying to stay young while growing and feeling old.  The trouble is I care too much and there are too many lives that need saving and too many minds that need changing that I can’t stomach the thought of wasting a life away on anything but that.  
     The hardest part isn’t just in finding yourself, it’s finding a way to make yourself fit into a world where you feel you don’t belong and, once finding yourself, never letting go.

- Lisa Selvaggio